The Newer Normal

After all of my efforts with Verizon and the frustration of 411 calls one would think that it's a relief to have silence from Mom's phone. Yet, this is not really true.  Of course I hated, and wrote incessantly about, all the anxious and ill-timed phone calls Mom was making, but I also had a connection to her that I now lack.  In order to speak to her now she needs be brought to the nurse's telephone.  The last time I did this, Mom fell because she was in a hurry to get to the phone.  Luckily she wasn't hurt but I see this as all part of the constant changes that are never for the better.

As a nursery school/primary grade teacher one of the rewards was knowing that children change almost daily.  Something that is difficult for them one day, becomes the next day's accomplishment.  Annoying behaviors are often outgrown, and independence with new tasks happens throughout the school year.  I always loved that!  So, I am having a terrible time learning the changes that occur in Mom.  She is not gaining independence or skill or finding life less difficult.  Instead, each change erases more and more of the person who I knew for over 60 years.  I know she finds it frustrating and depressing, as do I.
The blessing for her is that due to her mental changes she no longer really remembers all that she once was able to do. My problem is that I have a really good memory ( at least for now).  I miss the essence of my mother and truth be told I even miss the phone calls--they were a shred of the bond we've shared and they seem to be slipping away.

The newer normal is not one that will prevail for very long.  I've learned that just as my preschoolers changed daily, so does my mother.  The newer normal is not one that I relish.  Not one that I anticipate will pleasure as I did with my students.  The newer normal is one that brings pain and frustration that demands more and more of my forbearance and more and more dependence for Mom.  The newer normal is just the newer challenge for both of us.