Mom at 90

Mom turned 90 years old on December 2nd.  I think it speaks volumes that I didn't post anything on that day... or for a long while after that.  Her birthday was lovely.  Family members(who were able) and her good friend, 95 year old, Stanley attended a scaled-down party for her at the nursing home.  Mom was in good spirits and very alert that day.  She had a good time, though she was shocked to hear that she is 90, rather than the 62 she thought (When she was asked how old she thought she was, she said 62.  When we told her that I am 64, she laughed and said : "That wouldn't work").

The reason this posting speaks volumes is because along with the good-day celebration, there was such a feeling of loss.  Of course I am grateful to have a good day to share with mom.  I know that at 90 she is doing better than many.  But... I am painfully aware of all that has been lost.  The fact that she no longer really knows that my brother is not HER BROTHER, or that his son is her grandson; the loss of her memory of our father and the life they shared pains me terribly.  Mom lives in the moment.  Her joys and sorrows are not catalogued or archived.  Sometimes I believe this is a blessing.  If she remembered the death of her brother she would be diminished beyond belief--their relationship was a linchpin of her life.  The loss of my father and the pain and anger it generated is also no longer remembered.  She sometimes doesn't even remember that she was married and had children.  But... a family is only as strong as its shared memories.  The bonds that form early in our lives influence all other relationships.  So, the erasure of that history from my mother passes the torch to the next generations to keep those experiences and memories alive. Names on a page in a Family Tree have no real meaning unless someone can tell the story of those people.  This is what makes us unique... that is what family is really all about.

So, December 2nd, 2014 was a good day.  We hope to share many more birthdays with mom.  We hope that on some level we bring joy to her "new normal".  And, we promise to remember and share the family history in order to keep the events in her long life alive for the younger members who never knew her when she was so independent and bright.
Belated Happy Birthday, MOM!