Dental Dilemma Part II

My brother and I decided to go forward with the dental surgery (with fingers crossed).  Mom was accompanied to the surgeon's office by a very caring and genteel aide from the nursing home who was able to keep Mom calm and in good spirits even though she hadn't eaten breakfast.  My brother and I met them at the dental clinic and finally met with the dental team.  After much conversation and deliberation we decided to only extract the six broken teeth and leave Mom without a set of dentures.
Mom was compliant--she sat dutifully for X-rays and marveled at all the "fancy" equipment--she was a perfect patient!  She went back to the nursing home and was in relatively better spirits than I would ever be after six extractions. According to the nursing home nurses she is managing to eat, albeit a little less than usual, and not complaining about pain (remarkable!)
 
So now, here is where my shallowness comes to the surface.  We made a good medical decision with the dentists who said that she has no active infections and may be fine for many years with just her remaining teeth.  BUT, I can't handle seeing her without teeth!  She looks broken, or like a homeless person and I am waking in the night pondering this.  Ideally I would like her to have been fitted for dentures.  Ideally she would be able to adjust to them and actually wear them.  Ideally she would look more like the Mother that I've known for 63 years.  I see the broken teeth as a symbol of the other changes in her that are not visible.  I see the ravages of time and our inability to rewrite the script.
I see the dental dilemma as yet another battle lost.  Did we do right by our mother?  I hope so.  Of course we can always have the rest of her teeth extracted and try dentures at some point.  But for now I need to stop being shallow. Stop feeling self-conscious or guilty about her missing teeth.  I need to focus on the reasons for the decision and learn to live with it.

The Dental Dilemma

Mom has always hated going to the dentist and in her later years she really neglected her teeth.  She used to have a partial dental plate that filled in the gaps, but she recently lost several of her teeth that were holding the plate in place and now the plate was lost at the nursing home.  She presently looks awful! She really looks like someone who has nobody to care for her and it breaks my heart.  I arranged for a dentist to see her at the nursing home and was told that she needs to see an oral surgeon at the hospital. Eventually, after the extractions, new dentures would be fitted. I tried to explain all of this to mom last week when I visited during lunch time.

So today, I received a phone call from the nursing home's social worker who asked me to calm mom down and try to convince her to go with the aide for the dental appointment.  I was met by a lot of yelling and accusations about my lack of compassion, as well as, my inability to remember that mom had just visited the dentist herself.  Of course, she mentioned the dentist we used to see, who has been dead for the last 30 years! She then asked me to just leave her alone and not bother her with extra nonsense--she's fine; eating okay; and just doesn't want to go. I was able to convince her to go to the dentist and we would discuss the next step.  Luckily, she went.

Now the dilemma comes up.  She will need all of the rest of her teeth removed and will be without teeth for several weeks until the dentures can be fitted.  If she doesn't have the extractions, she may be able to eat for quite awhile, but some day she may have an infection in one of the remaining teeth and then would need emergency dental surgery and high doses of antibiotics.  Even if she gets the dentures she may not be able to adjust to them, and may not be able to ever eat solid food again.  So, what to do?
My brother ponders leaving her alone, worried about the end result of the extractions.  I worry about the possible infections.  There is no easy answer, but I'm leaning on the surgery.  Is it because I am vain for her?  Is it because I hate having her look so broken?  I really can't answer that today.  I only know that making the least lousy choice is really hard to do.