The Downward Spiral

Soon a new year ( a lunar year) will begin. With it, the change is palpable. My mother, who never stayed in her room or refused to leave a bed, or failed to get dressed unless she had a raging fever is now a different person. Last week I needed to feed her her lunch and she fell asleep while eating it! True, she had bronchitis and the nursing home doctor probably waited too long before prescribing an antibiotic, but there is more to it than that.

I fear that my mother is spiraling downward both emotionally and physically. It is what I feared when we first talked about a nursing home. I believe that she is giving up. I believe that she is so depressed by the surroundings and the finality of her new address that she can't muster the physical or emotional strength to meet some of the challenges of daily life. Of course I pray that once the bronchitis is gone she may rebound, but inwardly I fear that she will not. She speaks about all of her losses--my dad, her vision, her home and her independence every day! She sounds beaten and hopeless in a voice that I cannot recognize. She apologizes for dumping these things on me ( her words, not mine) but always says that she has nobody else to talk to. I have tried pointing out other friendly women who might be good to talk to. There are actually several people who greet her each day. But she is spiraling to a place that really can't be open to friendships--she just doesn't have the emotional energy for it.

I plan to speak to the psychologist and social director about her, but I'm not sure they will be able to get results--is this the Alzheimer's or is it due to having a broken spirit? Herein lies the devil's curse-- I may never really know that. All I know is that 6 months ago she was markedly different. She was mildly confused and forgetful, but she got out of bed every day and had a purpose to her life. Now she believes there is no purpose and lacks any of her old traits.

The downward spiral is sucking her in and I fear I cannot stop it.