How Should I Answer This?

Each night a conversation on the phone keeps me awake with worry. Mom calls or I call her between 9:30 and 10:00 PM. She needs to hear my voice each night before going to bed, and I am happy to offer her that connection. However, the caveat in that conversation is that each night she asks " When can I finally get out of here (the nursing home) and go home?" I often respond with the evasive--"we'll see"-- the same phrase that she used so many times on my brother and myself while we were growing up, and we hated it! She recently began asking to come live with me--something she always said she wouldn't want. This is the dilemma. How do I answer that? I know intellectually that I can't really provide all that she needs right now without essentially tabling my own life and offering her no social interaction except her contact with us. She needs professional people to manage her medications (she would fight with me about taking them); she needs professional people to insist she take a shower (she might not be able to get in and out of our bathtub to shower, and would fight with me about the need for one); she refuses to have her clothing washed, but the aides in the nursing home insist, and get to do it; when she gets sick, I would not be able to get her to the doctor because she would not agree to go (this has happened before); she cannot be left home alone--so I would need to take her everywhere with me and Larry; she cannot travel long distances ( we would not be able to visit our out of town children and grandchildren ); and my brother is not willing or able to give me the respite I might need from the daily life of mom living here.

So, how much of this sounds selfish and how much of this is the reality that she really needs professional care that only a nursing facility can offer since she hasn't the financial resources to pay for help in the house. The question of the day, night, week and month is how do I answer her plea for escape from the nursing home? Even when I attempt to explain, she forgets the conversation and we repeat it each evening. I am at a loss for the "right" answer. I want to be sensitive and loving and none of this ever sounds that way. I muddle through each night and then agonize that I am STILL not the daughter I want to be.