SATURDAY, OCTOBER 1, 2011
Yesterday, while sharing time with my dear friend at breakfast I got a phone call from the nurse at mom's nursing home. The conversation was based on mom's refusal to take a shower, YET AGAIN!! Now you really need to know that my mother was always clean and taught my brother and myself all about good hygiene, so this turn of events is clearly a manifestation of dementia.
The nurse asked me to talk to mom and I did.
Me: "Hi-- I hear you don't feel like taking a shower"
Mom:" Whose side are you on? Why should I shower after I get dressed? They should have told me that's what they wanted. And anyway, what's the big deal -- I'll shower another time"
Me: " I think they told you not to dress because they wanted you to take a shower and you quickly got dressed anyway"
Mom, yelling..." I'm not doing it! I'm already dressed... you wouldn't like it when you're 85 and you're not on my side... stop sticking up for them"
Me: " I'm on your side-- you need to smell sweet and clean. I'm coming to see you tomorrow and I know you want to be fresh for me"
Mom screaming at the nurse...." I'm not doing it! What about tomorrow???? What's wrong with you people? Don't you know that I'm 85?? (she's 86).
The yelling went on for much longer until I asked to speak to the nurse and told her that I wasn't able to convince her but I think they need to insist in some way.
I received another phone call from the nurse telling me that they did in fact insist and got her to comply. I don't know how they did it, and I probably don't want to know because I do know that Mom had to be pretty pissed about it, and really upset with yet another loss of control of her life.
So, it's come to this---I am not her full time caregiver ( and I understand why this is a good thing most of the time), but I am still the last resort for reasoning with her. I also know that this is not the last of it, nor is it the worst of it--it's just part of the spiral downward from which there is no return....
