The wedding is planned for September, 2011 which is a long time away from now. We have no way of knowing how Mom will be at that time. Some of the variables of her ability to attend are also complicated by the wedding's venue-- a 5 hour trip from the nursing home where she resides. She would need to travel for 5 hours, attend the ceremony and reception and then either return to the nursing home that night, or stay in the hotel overnight and return the next day. We would have to hire an aide to help her (and free me of these duties while trying to be the mother of the groom) and we would need to hire a driver for the trip home since we will be staying the weekend. As I write this, it sounds daunting for her and the event is nearly a year from now.
My dilemma is based on my wish/ prayer that she be included in as many family events as possible. She is still alive and can still recognize family members and enjoys their company. Do we have the right to deny her that privilege because it will be more difficult for us?! When do we stop taking the easier way out in our attempt to keep her on an even keel? What is our motivation? and whose needs are being served? How much of our preventing a meltdown from her is based on our own need to be unfettered at a fun event? Are we wrong in wanting things to go smoothly, or are we looking for excuses to keep her away because it means more work from other family members?
I don't have the answer and will not for several months. We are overjoyed by the upcoming event but the questions and the sadness they evoke blend with our elation while we pray for the wisdom to do the right thing.
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