Anger vs. Sadness

I am all too frequently angry or sad these days. The anger stems from the endless phone calls that are required to answer the same questions over and over again and the unfortunate imbalance of my responsibility and involvement in my mother's care compared to that of my sibling. The sadness comes from the need to be so involved in the first place after becoming accustomed to a mother whose life was vital and independent.

Today is mostly an angry one. My mother is not feeling able to do anything--she may be reacting to new prescriptions or this is a new piece depressed piece of the dementia puzzle. I spent all day with her yesterday and hoped that my brother would be able to shoulder some of the responsibility of calling her doctor and taking her to an appointment if that is what the doctor suggests. Instead, he is STILL asking me to come there ( an hour trip each way) because he believes it would be better for two people to do this. No sh...!! It would be better so many days that I am the only caregiver to have more than one person involved, but I wind up doing everything alone. Now, when he has to be the only one, I am not free to just be me for the day, but need to be on call and will probably still wind up going there again! Of course I could stand my ground but that's where my feelings of devotion and responsibility won't permit that, and he knows it.

The prevailing sadness and disappointment that mom's life has come to this, and the problems inherent in the sibling relationship all are a heavy burden. I live this issue with her almost 24/7,( via all the phone calls, errands and countless visits) while my brother is still able to walk away from a lot of it for weeks of non-involvement and excuses about work taking too much of his time. He also doesn't help with our 86 year old uncle who depends upon ME from a nursing home. The sadness is shadowed by anger and vice versa throughout the day, but today the anger is winning!